I used to think that my manager was (at least partly) responsible for my wellbeing at work. After all, they knew my goals and what I was working on. However, what I have come to realize is that even when we struggle to keep ourselves afloat at work, our manager will never be able to come and save us.
– Our manager is exactly that: our manager. Not our coach, our friend, our confidant. Even if they are your friend outside of work – at work, they are your manager, that’s it.
– They need to make sure the business keeps running. You might think: well, that includes keeping me running. Yes, and no. In an ideal world, your manager would have the time and energy available to look after each and every person they manage. They would be highly involved, making sure you are doing well in the things you are doing. Now think of your own manager. Is this a realistic expectation? Do they have that time and energy available to spend on you? In my experience, many managers barely have the time and energy to look after their own wellbeing properly, let alone looking after yours too.
– Why do you give the control over your own wellbeing away to someone else? Do we not all carry the responsibility to look after ourselves? Also in work? The reality might be that this means you might have to say ‘no’ to your manager from time to time. And that’s uncomfortable. What will they think of you? Will they rate you differently because of it? In my experience: no. As long as you keep delivering high-quality work, you are allowed to stand up for yourself and to clearly mark your own boundaries. If they don’t agree, you will hear about it and you can have a conversation. But if you keep your mouth shut, hoping they will see you struggling and will come and save you at some point, it will not happen. Not until it’s too late, and you had to leave with a burnout.
So, where does that leave you? Learn to take control of your own time and energy, of your own wellbeing. No, this is not always easy as most of us have never learned how to do this properly. Especially us women, moms, being considerate and pleasing others, often disregarding what it is that we need at any given moment. But it’s time.
Time to learn. Time to do it. You are in charge of you. No one else is.
